3/5 and summer nights

I.

we sat with you

after we dragged your

sobbing shaking lovers

out the door,

you slowly faded in our arms-

your eyes were the last to go.

i believe i tried to wish the tidal

waves away until it was too late.

waves crashed in through the

window we opened but

you have always loved the summer breeze.

II.

i lit candles for you.

i lit candles and left them burning

i watched them burn as the wax melted into itself,

making puddles of what was once solid and stable.

the wick turned black and ashy and little flecks

flew off as the flame ran wild in its own way.

all was still save the light on the wall.

the shadows danced and tugged and pulled

at me to join them and

as hard as i willed myself to rise and dance and let go,

the weight of grief rested in me.

it sped up my arms, i felt it

crush my chest, my ribs crumbled before it froze.

chills ran from my heels to the backs of my knees.

i froze, and though muggy summer air floated through the open window,

skimming over dancing apparitions and the rising flame,

the ice cold that i have only known

in the loneliest stretches of winter

consumed me.

i know you are not in these candles but i cannot

help feeling you in the flicker and the flame

i cannot help but see your fragile body crumbling

and falling beneath the heat of these small wildfires

i cannot help but see you finally free

to dance with shadows.

oh, how you loved to dance.

III.

i trust the pace

at which my body

begs me to move.

please lead me to

fields of marigolds.